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Tuesday, November 6th, 2007
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I guess this will be the first in depth entry I've had in awhile but I guess it's the only reason I really got my journal back- venting.
Mike and I's relationship has pretty much went to shit. You think you know who someone is, even by being friends with them for along time but you don't. I though Mike was this harmless nice guy and really he's not. He's fuckin peice of work wrapped in a fuckin nice bow. Everyone thinks he's some fuckin nice guy and I dont get to see that person anymore. All I get is some guy who fuckin puts me down every fuckin day. I'm sick of having a boyfriend who just treats me like I'm his friend here to bitch at every fuckin step. I havvnt even got so much as a kiss other then a peck ur gramma would give u when he leaves for work. But I'm here with a shitty roomate, with debt comming out of my ass. I can't leave, I cant go anywhere. My dad is pretty much gonna lose his house and everything because Brendas a loser and he cant do it by himself. He was working two jobs to keep it going and now that failed..................I'mout.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 27th, 2006
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I havn't written in a long time. Soo here's what's been up I guess.
My car broke down, kinda sucks. I snapped the timing belt, so my pistons bent the valves in my motor. Yay, sounds like a lot of money.
The computer was fucked up for awhile, but it's all better now.
I took the buy out at Autoliv so I finished up there on April 14th. It was good in a way because I got paid like 6500 $ to leave. I paid off all my debts (which took like all my money almost) and I put away 2000$ for when I want to move out. I don't think that I will miss it there at all, I havn't missed it yet.
On Monday I started working at the marina, accross form my house. Right now it's just been cleaning up to get ready for when all the boats come in, but it's going to be a very fast paced job. I like it sort of, but I dunno if it'll last. It's a seasonal job which kind of sucks and my boss is kind of a bitch. I have a crew leader that is two years younger then me with dredlocks and peircings. I thought she was going to be cool but shes stupid. I got a sunburn yesterday, lol. Oh, and they don't let me smoke because its bad for business. Gr.
I have an iunterview at the Lighthouse Inn today, and hopefully that goes well. If I get offered the same amoiunt of hours that I'll be getting at the marina, I'll probably take this job over the other one. That's a 3.00. i also wrote a letter to Aloette to see if I can get back into selling their cosmetics because i miss the products and i made good money.
Happy very be-lated 4.20 to everyone. lol.
Jay came home twice this month for the weekends. We cooked Rabbit for easter. LOL. We were supposed to go get a tattoo but we never ended up going. soo I might go visit him on base on a weekend and we'll go. He claims to be mad that Jamie slept in his bed without him there because its apparently a rule that if a girl sleeps in a guys bed they hve to be present. I told him he was a ass. (He doesnt actually care but it was funny)
Jarred Sterling sends me emails because i apparently have his shirt and im an *asshole*. he can fuck off like his cousin (that could be his twin).
Went to the strip bar a few weekends ago, it was fuckin fun. Million Dollar rules. Jay almost got in a fight with the hotdog vendor at 2 in the morning.
I got two chinese water dragons. I named them Otis and Baby. They are soo cool. I got a bigger terrirum for my gecko's too.
Michelle never wants to hang out anymore because shes too busy with her boyfriend and new friends from shool. I hate when this shit happens. I should really just give up on trying to have best friends or even good friends. whatever. I dont know, It's probably my fault in the long run.
That's it for now I guess.
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Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
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Well that job turned out to be even worse then I thought it was going to be, I can't stay there. I have to stand on a pile of plastic and garbage and seperate the plastics and throw them in a bin. Doesnt probably sound that bad but if you saw it, you would understand.
I'm down to no damn money, I thought I had some still in the bank but I estimated wrong. I cant afford to pay my telus bill or even put gas in my car.
Somebody kill me.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
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Just got back from my interview with Can am recycling, and they hired me. They said it was the second time they've ever hired someone on the spot so I guess thats cool, the only problem is that Can-Am is a really shitty job. The lady said that I would be doing something easier then hard lifting work and probably gonig to just take things apart because girls are better with hand dexterity or something stupid so I guess thats good in a way. Dont really want to be just lifting heavy stuff or unloading trucks all day.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, February 20th, 2006
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| Time: | 1:46 pm. |
| Mood: |  sleepy. | | Music: | none, stupid computer.. |
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Well it was a boring weekend didnt really do anything at all, but I guess in a way that is nice because I needed a little break. Sunday was busy though because my dad had a Nascar party for daytona like he does every year. Mike didnt want to go because he had to work midnights and needed some sleep so I went alone. It was alright though because there were alot of my moms sisters and my cousin Jen there that are cool to hang out with, plus my dad invited Chris Blain because he loves him er something. It all started going to shit though towards the end of the night, no suprise because nothing can run smoothly. Jen won the pot, and it was like 250 dollars. My dad thought her boyfriend won so he gave him the money. Then, Brandon refused to give the money to Jen claiming she owes him it for all the money he's lent her. She started freaking out and I watched her cry for a long time in the garge while I tried to make her feel better. She loves him but its complicated because he uses coke alot and she doesnt like him doing that. She has nothing against occasional use because she does it about twice a year but he hangs out with Mark Bravard and he's a coke dealer. My dad got pissed off at Brandon for not giving her the money so that caused another fight and Brandon was going to leave. So, I went in the garage and talked to him tried to reason with him or something, talked him into comming back in. As soon as that was basically over. Blain got all pissed off or well hurt because his mom is dying, they dont know what is wrong with her and hes scared because she apparently has a year left or so before her heart gives out. It would really suck to know your going to loose your mother but I had no fuckin idea what to even say to try and make him feel better. It's onew of those things that there really isnt anything that you can say to make it any better. Ended up going to bed very stressed out.
Went and saw Mike this morning, he's awesome. I was in a shitty mood but he's so good at making me feel better. He was mock singing the songs his mom was listening to and it was halerious. Made up songs about cracker jack prizes. Weird. lol.
Had an interview with navistar at 11 today, hopefully I get it. I applied at a couple other palces after my interview. I need to find something to do.
Well thats about it I guess. I have another interview tomorrow at 11 with Can am recycling ( a really shitty job, but I need a job so oh well).
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, February 16th, 2006
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| Time: | 12:19 pm. |
| Mood: | tired. |
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Not to much exciting going on. Havn't been feeling good, hopefully it goes away.
Valentine's day was nice. I've never gotten to celebrate Valentines day before, so it was something new/different. Mike got me a dozen roses and a basket with bears and chocolate. I made him a scrapbook with pictures of us and stuff. It's not done because I didnt have enough pictures but I just told him that whenever there are more pictuers, I'll put them in his book for him. We went out for supper with Matt and Michelle and it was really nice too. The place had heart shaped pizza and it was fuckin cool, sort of. We were going to go see a movie but Mike had to work midnights so he didnt really want to go. We went back to his house and just layed on the couch, had a nap. exciting.
Darrick keeps calling me and screaming at me because he wants the stupid drawing I made so he can put it on flags. All he does when he calls is tell me I'm stupid, I'm the worst person in the world, I'm pychotic, I ruined his life by not buying a stupid keyboard ( I had already bought two of the keyboards he wanted me to have and when Igot those he never wanted to play so why would I go spend another 1000 dollars on another sampler?) and that I'm a loser who'll never go anywhere. All I really said was that he is the psycho whoses never gonig to nmake it anywhere because he likes to do coke in his basement and that it. he got all pissed off and said I dont sniff coke it makes me feel like shit, I smoke crack. I just laughed and hung up. He called me back screaming again saying that I treat him like he's my boyfriend and push all kinds of girl shit on him. I havn't even hung out with him really in like a year, and I never treated him like he was my boyfriend. He frustrates the living hell out of me and I even told him that I dont want anything to do with him anymore because all he does is bring me down.
Jay left on friday, he didn't even say goodbye to me which kinda hurt alot. I hope he does well in Alberta. Joe Bonneau broke his foot by tripping over my shoe at the party. P{oor guy was having alot of fun, just went and changed into a swimsuit because he wanted to go into the hot tub for awhile and when he went out in the garage to see if anyone else wanted to go he right bailed on the floor. Felt bad for him.
Well I guess that's about it for now, I dont know what else to write today.
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Thursday, February 9th, 2006
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| Time: | 12:59 pm. |
| Mood: |  awake. | | Music: | Dope- Another day goes by. |
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Well Jay came home and suprised us wth a visit the other night. I was just laying on the couch watching family guy when he came in and scared me because i didn't expect him. Good suprise though. We went to Tim's house on tuesday night and split on a Texas mickey. That was fun...ooo hangover though. We went and suprised my mom the next day and had supper with her. Sometimes I wish I could see her more then I do but it's hard. I miss her though..
Darrick keeps calling me and asking me for this picture i made for the band a long ass time ago when I was in the band but I cant find it and my mom blanked the harddrive on her computer so there isn't any other exsisting copies left which kinda sucks because he's going to freak out on me but really I don't care because I pretty much hate his guts and everyone associated with him. I dunno but I have alot more better things to do then sit in a basement and snort coke with losers that just want to get high and talk about people.
I dyed my hair brown, I'll take a picture later and try and post it on here. I got a digital camera for christmas and its pretty cool. Only problem is I dont have a picture program so I can't shrink the photo sizes. I tried to post a picture of Mike and I the other day but it loaded fuckin huge. (http://www.geocities.com/jordison1maggot/100_0310.jpg)
Things with Mike have been great. He' sweet guy and for once I actualy feel pretty happy. I used to think in the past that I loved Brendan and Darrick, but you know untill I was with Mike I never knew what love really was. I mistook weird feeling I had for people as love and now that I actually have experienced love it's so different and great. We went to Cuba in december and it was the best vacation I ever went on. He'd put flowers in my hair and say things that were so sweet. There was this person at one of the bars on the resort we were drinking at that came up to me and poked me in the stomach and asked pregnant? And i was like, No deffinitly not. and he was like...Oh I get it, your just fat. I got really upset because I was tired and pretty drunk so I left and cried and Mike got upset and hugged me and said Your not fat, not even close to fat. Your perfect and you know what? even if someone else thinks you are, it shouldnt matter. All that matters is what I think and I think your beautiful and I love you more then anything. Your the person I want to spend the rest of my life with get married one day long down the road. It was so sweet..
Found out this week that Brenda has two breast cancer lumps and she's losing her hearing, and has liver failure. Yep...she aint going to be around to see 50 by the looks of it and it sucks because my dad is going to be hurt.
On friday we are having people over to say hi/bye to Jay before he flies out to Alberta for more training. It's looking like he might have to go on Tour in August to Afghan but he's excited to I guess I'm happy for him.
Been thinking alot about things, my life, my family, my friends and I've realized alot lately. I stopped hangging out with the poeple that I really cared about and loved to hang out with people that just fucked me up. I miss my old friends and having real friends that I could talkt o about anything, and actually have fun with. I need to get ahold of alot of the poeple I miss. Been trying to get ahold of Jamie but it's been proving impossible which kinda sucks.
I'm probably going to get fired from autoliv soon but I dont really mind because I've been looking for a new job lately. I cant stand working at Autoliv anymore. It's the stupidest job I have ever had and I dont want to work constant 12 hours shifts anymore. I've basically called in everyday I was suppsoed to work in the past two weeks but even if they called me todfay and said that I was fired, I think that I would just laugh.
Well I'm going to go get ready, been lazy.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, February 6th, 2006
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| Time: | 12:15 pm. |
| Mood: | awake. |
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I typed a long fuckin entry and stupid fuckin live journal had to fuck up. BOO.
well i guess im gonna have to try again later because i dont really have the energy to retype all the shit i wrote. FUCK.
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| Time: | 1:58 pm. |
| Mood: | tired. | | Music: | Death- Suicide Machine. |
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Hello, if there are any people left who even read this..it's been awahile.
I'm going to start updating my journal again, it was just hard to do it for a few months because I got swtiched to the midnight shift at my work and everything has been strange.
Lots of things have changed since I last wrote in here but I'll have to update later to fill all that in because I don't have the time right now.
Jay left for the military not to long ago :(
Leave me a message if I'm still on your friend list and you still write so I know who's still around.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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<center>
Darrick didnt really take the news so well about Melanie. He believe now that she did it. I dont know if she admitted to only donig it once or if she tired to lie. I hope he knows how much shit went on.
He says hes in a delima because their relationship just started getting good again and I guess at the time their relationship sucked. But that still doesnt make it right in my head, but whatever. Everyone tells him to dump her so maybe he'll do it. I tried to explain to him that hes only eighteen and he'll be alright because he's got shit going for him.
I just hope he doesnt do anything stupid...
<hr>
I went and seen *the passion of the christ* yesterday by Mel gibson. It was alright moive, was really strong. At the start I was pissed off because it was all in some hebeww language and english subtitles, but it stopped mattering when the movie was gettting good. They were right tearing Jesus apart, beating him with like fishhooks on rope. He was carrying his cross through town getting spit on and beat and it was crazy. Very brutal movie. They have this satan character that jsut hangs out in the shadows with no eyebrows and shit. he was cool.
<hr>
I saw Jen yesterday. She was well, sitting up, eating, talking- but she screws up things she says and thinks still occasionally. She think she has a cat and a puppy named sammy, but she only has a cat named sammy, and she told me three seperate stories on how she hurt herself., so she must still be confused on that one. She thinks shes gonig to work this week and doesnt seem to understand that shes not, and she has a long road ahead. she seems to think he's all better.
The nurses called her a hell cat because shes violent and have this play pen thing around her bed so when its locked she cant get out or anything.
she supposed to go home today or tomorrow, but she still has alot of recovry.
she kept talknig about weed nostop. *i havnt smoked a joint in two weeks**i wish i had a joint so I could crack the window or hop int he shower* she even asked her mom for a joint, lol.
<hr>
joel is doing better, recovering from his wounds from friday.
<hr>
Dont know really whts going on with me or my life, but for now im just going to have to push all my problems aside to take on darricks so hes okay. It sucks, but you gotta be there for your friends..
I just wish my problems would go away and leave me alone.
Because lateely I feel like dying. I'm not gonig to do anything, but I feel like it. </center>
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, February 29th, 2004
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| Time: | 11:36 am. |
| Mood: |  depressed. |
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There are no unlockable doors
There are no unwinnable wars
There are no unrightable wrongs
Or unsingable songs
There are no unbeatable odds
There are no believable gods
There are no unnameable names
Shall I say it again, yeah
There are no impossible dreams
There are no invisible seams
Each night when the day is through
I don't ask much
I just want you
I just want you
There are no uncriminal crimes
There are no unrhymable rhymes
There are no identical twins or
forgivable sins
There are no incurable ills
There are no unkillable thrills
One thing and you know it's true,
I don't ask much
I just want you
I just want you
I just want you
I just want you
There are no unachievable goals
There are no unsaveable souls
No legitimate kings or queens, do
you know what I mean? Yeah
There are no indisputable truths
And there ain't no fountain of youth
Each night when the day is through,
I don't ask much
I just want you
I just want you
I just want you
I just want you
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Thursday, February 26th, 2004
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| Time: | 9:49 am. |
| Music: | Zero. |
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i like this song..
Zero
My reflection, dirty mirror
There's no connection to myself
I'm your lover, I'm your zero
I'm in the face of your dreams of glass
So save your prayers
For when we're really gonna need'em
Throw out your cares and fly
Wanna go for a ride?
She's the one for me
She's all I really need
Cause she's the one for me
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
The fasion victims chew their charcoal teeth
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down
You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
You blame yourself for wanting more
She's the one for me
She's all I really need
She's the one for me
She's my one and only
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, November 17th, 2003
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If you want to be added, comment. But you probably wont get on, because this is a personal journal.
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Comments: Read 10 or Add Your Own.
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aplaceinthedirt's journal